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Explanation of Recent Bahavior
Related to MST and PTSD
The purpose of this memorandum is to provide context and transparency regarding challenges I have been experiencing that have affected my performance and behavior. This is not intended to serve as an excuse, but rather to offer accountability and insight into my current situation.
Following an expedited transfer, I have continued to struggle with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of Military Sexual Trauma (MST). While the PCS enabled my physical safety, the psychological effects have remained and significantly impact my ability to focus, learn, and function especially in a position that differs greatly from my previous assignments.
On 22 January, I communicated how difficult it is for me to ask for help, and expressed my intent to work on that. Since then, I have not avoided seeking help; I explored several avenues and was able to attend one appointment with Mental Health, during which I was formally diagnosed with PTSD. However, my follow-up appointment scheduled for 16 April was canceled, making continued treatment difficult to access.
On 30 January, I was directed to provide a DDRP sample, which was further traumatizing and heightened my emotional state. Additionally, my desk placement facing away from the aisle has caused ongoing anxiety and hypervigilance. The week of 25 March, I was tasked to perform DDRP observer duty for the third time since arriving at this unit. This repeated exposure to triggers has further disrupted my mental clarity, emotional stability, and overall ability to function effectively.
One of my assigned tasks became particularly overwhelming. I want to emphasize that I was not avoiding the task or attempting to avoid responsibility; it has simply been extremely difficult to complete under the weight of my current condition. I recognized I was struggling and worked hard to build up the courage to ask for help. Unfortunately, a seemingly harmless comment from another individual caused me to lose that confidence, and I shut down before I could ask. That experience reinforced my fear of vulnerability and made it even more difficult to seek help afterward.
Two weeks later, I was once again asked to perform DDRP observer duty. I tried to respectfully decline, but was repeatedly asked, which further triggered panic, nightmares, and poor sleep quality. The following week, while still emotionally on edge, I was asked about the status of the aforementioned task. My response at that time was unprofessional. I fully accept responsibility for that moment and regret how I communicated.
I also acknowledge my absences. These were not an attempt to avoid responsibility or pass my work onto others. At times, stepping away has been the only way for me to maintain composure and prevent unprofessional behavior or further my mental health deterioration.
I remain committed to improving my performance and conduct, and I take full accountability for my responsibilities. I am doing my best under challenging circumstances and will continue to seek the support and care needed to return to full readiness. I appreciate your time and understanding.